What’s Your Attachment Style?

Discover the patterns that shape how you connect in love and take the first step toward healthier, more secure relationships

Discover Your Attachment Style in Romantic Relationships

Your attachment style shapes how you connect, communicate, and feel in romantic relationships — sometimes without even realizing it. Understanding your attachment tendencies can help you improve intimacy, navigate conflict, and build stronger, healthier connections with your partner.

This short quiz is designed to give you insight into your patterns and how they might show up in your relationships. There are no right or wrong answers, just honest reflections on your feelings and behaviours. Take your time, answer each question as honestly as possible, and see what your results at the end of the quiz reveal about how you approach love and closeness.

Before you start:

To get the most out of this quiz, you’ll need a pen and paper or your phone to keep track of your score. Each answer corresponds to a specific attachment style, and adding up your points will help reveal your primary pattern in romantic relationships.

1. When you think about depending on your partner…

  1. I want to rely on them but feel afraid or conflicted about getting too close.
  2. I prefer to handle things myself and keep my distance.
  3. I often worry they might leave or not care enough.
  4. I feel comfortable relying on them and letting them rely on me.

2. When your partner expresses affection…

  1. I feel both happy and fearful — I’m unsure how to respond.
  2. I feel uncomfortable and tend to pull back.
  3. I sometimes worry it won’t last or that they’ll withdraw later.
  4. I welcome it and feel closer.

3. During conflict in the relationship…

  1. I feel overwhelmed and unsure whether to approach or avoid the conflict.
  2. I withdraw or shut down rather than engage.
  3. I become anxious and worry the conflict threatens the relationship.
  4. I communicate openly and try to solve the problem together.

4. When your partner needs emotional support…

  1. I want to help but feel unsure how or scared it might backfire.
  2. I keep my distance and try not to get too involved.
  3. I worry I might not be enough or that they’ll abandon me.
  4. I’m happy to be there for them and feel comfortable sharing my own feelings too.

5. Thinking about physical or emotional closeness…

  1. I feel both drawn to closeness and afraid of it at the same time.
  2. I often prefer to maintain personal space and independence.
  3. I sometimes feel clingy or overly needy.
  4. I feel safe and enjoy closeness without fear.

6. When your partner goes out or spends time away…

  1. I feel conflicted — I want reassurance but also feel afraid of dependency.
  2. I don’t mind and may even enjoy having space for myself.
  3. I feel anxious and worry about what they’re doing or who they’re with.
  4. I trust them and don’t worry unnecessarily.

7. When thinking about your relationship in the long term…

  1. I feel hopeful yet fearful, unsure if closeness will last.
  2. I focus on my independence and may avoid thinking too much about long-term dependence.
  3. I worry the relationship might end or that my partner might leave me.
  4. I feel confident we can work through difficulties together.

8. How do you usually handle your own emotional needs in a relationship?

  1. I feel unsure whether to express my needs or withdraw, often feeling conflicted.
  2. I tend to manage them alone and avoid showing vulnerability.
  3. I sometimes feel I need constant reassurance from my partner.
  4. I express them openly and expect mutual support.

9. When your partner criticizes or disappoints you…

  1. I feel torn. Part of me wants to approach, part wants to retreat.
  2. I pull away or shut down emotionally.
  3. I get anxious and dwell on it, worrying about rejection.
  4. I can process it and discuss it constructively.

10. How do you feel about intimacy and dependence in a relationship?

  1. I want intimacy but feel afraid or confused about it.
  2. I feel uneasy and prefer to maintain independence.
  3. I worry about losing my partner if I get too close.
  4. I feel comfortable and see it as positive.

Alright, you have completed the quiz! Now, let’s see what your answers reveal about your attachment style.

To discover your attachment style, add up the numbers corresponding to your answers for all 10 questions. The way the quiz was designed is as follows: 1 = Disorganized, 2 = Avoidant, 3 = Anxious, 4 = Secure. Once you have your total score, use the ranges below to see which attachment style most closely matches your patterns:

  • 10–16: Disorganized — you may feel conflicted about closeness and struggle with trust or consistency in relationships.
  • 17–23: Avoidant — you may value independence and sometimes pull away from emotional intimacy.
  • 24–30: Anxious — you may worry about your partner’s availability or seek frequent reassurance.
  • 31–40: Secure — you are generally comfortable with intimacy, trust, and closeness in relationships.

If your total falls near the middle of a range, or if your answers include a mix of different styles, you may notice patterns from more than one attachment style. For example, you could generally feel secure in some areas but experience anxious or avoidant tendencies in others. If you want to understand your score better, go back and pay attention to which types of questions leaned toward certain styles. This can help you understand specific patterns in your relationships and guide areas where you might want to grow toward greater security.

Disorganized (10–16)

What it means:
If you fall into the disorganized range, you may experience a push-pull dynamic in relationships. On one hand, you deeply crave closeness and connection; on the other, intimacy can feel overwhelming or unsafe. This can lead to confusion for both you and your partner, as you might move toward closeness and then suddenly withdraw. Often, these patterns develop from early experiences where comfort and fear were mixed together. The good news is that becoming aware of these tendencies can help you begin to build stability and trust. With practice, it’s possible to learn that closeness can be safe and consistent.

Insight:
Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward building more consistent, secure connections. You may benefit from exploring past experiences that shaped these tendencies and practicing ways to safely express needs and emotions in relationships.

Avoidant (17–23)

What it means:
Scoring in the avoidant range suggests that you value independence and often rely on yourself more than on your partner. You might feel uncomfortable depending on others or being “too close,” which can lead you to pull back when a relationship becomes emotionally intense. While this self-reliance has strengths, it can sometimes create distance that leaves partners feeling shut out. Understanding this pattern doesn’t mean giving up your independence; instead, it can help you notice when avoidance is a protective reflex rather than a true need. Over time, you can experiment with letting trusted partners in without losing your sense of autonomy.

Insight:
Being aware of this tendency can help you intentionally cultivate closeness without feeling trapped. Learning to balance independence with intimacy can strengthen your relationships and allow you to experience deeper connection.

Anxious (24–30)

What it means:
If your score places you in the anxious range, you likely care deeply about closeness and connection but may also worry about your partner’s availability or commitment. You might find yourself seeking reassurance or feeling uneasy if you sense emotional distance. While this sensitivity to connection is part of what makes you attentive and caring, it can sometimes create stress or conflict if your partner feels overwhelmed by the level of reassurance you seek. By recognizing these patterns, you can start building tools to soothe yourself in moments of uncertainty and learn to communicate needs clearly without fear.

Insight:
Understanding these patterns allows you to notice when anxiety is influencing your behavior. Practicing self-soothing, open communication, and building trust can help you feel more secure while maintaining closeness.

Secure (31–40)

What it means:
A secure score suggests that you feel comfortable with both intimacy and independence. You’re generally able to trust others, express your needs, and allow closeness without feeling overwhelmed or anxious. This balance makes it easier to build relationships that are both supportive and flexible, where you and your partner can depend on each other while maintaining individuality. While nobody feels perfectly secure all the time, your score suggests that you have a strong foundation for healthy, lasting connection. Continuing to nurture open communication, empathy, and trust will only strengthen this natural security.

Insight:
Your attachment style provides a strong foundation for healthy relationships. Continuing to nurture communication, empathy, and mutual support will help maintain these positive patterns and model security in your relationships.

If you have more questions or would like to continue reading about attachment styles, you can visit my attachment styles article here.

Professional Support is Available

Understanding your attachment style is an important first step, but real change happens when you begin applying these insights in your relationships. Whether you discovered patterns of anxiety, avoidance, disorganization, or even if you already feel fairly secure, therapy can help you deepen your understanding and create stronger, more fulfilling connections. As a couples and relationship-focused therapist, I work with both individuals and couples on issues related to attachment styles to help move past unhelpful patterns and build the trust, communication, and closeness you’re looking for. If you’re ready to turn these insights into real growth, I invite you to book a session today. Together, we can start creating the kind of relationship you truly deserve.

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If you are ready to start your healing journey, please fill out the form below. You will receive a reply within 24 hours. If you have some questions you’d like to ask first, you can email me at ari@aristherapy.ca for more information.

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